Seema Boesky
From PETA to PITA
I’ve been an animal lover most of my life, and while I have not joined
the ranks of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), I’ve
taken measures since childhood to protect and safeguard living things both large
and small. As a kid, I couldn’t bear to kill a spider, step on an ant,
or swat an annoying fly. Instead, I imposed upon myself a “catch and release”
program, saving all critters that crossed my path.
I tried teaching respect for living things to my four children, too, and from
their earliest days demonstrated my “catch and release” techniques
to no avail. They would squeal and run for cover as I caught and freed a variety
of God’s ugliest creatures. When I stocked our pond with perch, my twin
boys happily joined me fishing, but drew the line when I insisted they resuscitate
their exhausted catch to ensure hooking it another day. I would hold the fish
by its tail, moving it back and forth slowly in the water like my Dad taught
me, but they developed other methods. When old enough to fish on their own,
they carried their catch back to the house. I’ll never forget opening
my freezer door and having two live fish jump out at me! They watched, laughing,
and said, “Mom, they’re fresh-frozen!”
I was different. When my parents gave me a pair of hamsters, I couldn’t
bear to keep them caged. I felt certain they wanted their freedom, so one freezing
winter’s morning I let them go, on a busy Detroit thoroughfare. Fortunately,
my parents kept me clueless as to their likely fate and I continued to say my
nightly prayers, wishing them fun as they hopped around town.
But in recent times, sweet Seema has turned sour. A more mature woman has emerged
with very different visions about planet Earth and its inhabitants. This change
began last winter when two squirrels took up residence in my pool house. When
I entered, they took off, jet-propelled in different directions at speeds that
rendered them barely visible and impossible to catch. They trashed the place
as if they were the Rolling Stones and my pool house, their hotel room. Their
antics left broken glass and destroyed furniture in their wake. The final straw
came when I discovered that their diet had consisted of my windowsills. Yes,
they actually chewed right through them!
This squirrel escapade left me daydreaming of exquisite squirrel tortures and
the insight that when push came to shove, I was willing to make exceptions to
my “live and let live” philosophy. Although I never laid a hand
on the dastardly squirrels, I was tested yet again as the cold weather set in
this fall and swarms of bugs I’d never seen before appeared inside my
home. Flying by my bedroom windows, they would observe my cozy digs, find a
crack, and check themselves in.
Clearly the economy has wreaked havoc on our local population of “stinkbugs,”
leaving thousands of them homeless—that, is until they moved in with me.
Now that we cohabit, I’ve become a stinkbug expert. Did you know that
stinkbugs travel in pairs? Finding one means there is a mate lurking close by,
and they are amazing survivors, too.
In the beginning, I caught (which is easy to do) and exported them back into
the wild, but accomplishing this before they stunk up my bedroom was tricky.
So I devised another system: flushing them down the toilet—so that they
could swim to safety, of course. When a huge stinkbug swam up and out of my
toilet gunning for me, I changed tactics. My new plan? Catch and CRUSH! I’ve
turned into a happy murderer, exchanging my PETA membership for one in PITA—the
Politically Incorrect Treatment of Animals.
Fed up with running a boarding house for rowdy rodents and odiferous bugs, I’ve
posted “no trespassing” signs on my windows. The one exception is
ladybugs. While thousands have descended upon me, I cannot hurt the sweethearts.
My Mom taught me that ladybugs are lucky, and to always make a wish before setting
one free.
Nowadays, I ask each black and red polka-dotted beauty for their assistance
in reducing the invasion of undesirables into my home, hoping that with their
help, I will return to PETA as a member in good standing.
Send your questions to Seema at
The WAG will publish the most interesting questions but Seema says she will try to respond to all questions via e-mail.
We reserve the right to edit questions as space permits.
